Sab Theek Ho Jayega !

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Kochi / Ernakulam, Kerala, India
A Doctor who loves to Live, Love and Laugh with the World! Absolutely crazy about Cricket ! Other Qualifications: A Tired Bathroom Singer, Retired Gully Cricketer and Satire Writer !

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Welcome to Kochi: The New Sodom !

In these times of Anna Hazare pulling a 'fast' one on the Union Government, I believe a lot of local and perhaps quite important issues are getting marginalized or trivialized. Well, if Anna has managed to obscure Team India's abject surrender in England, anything can happen. After all this happens only in India.

Again almost ad nauseum; I am talking about the roads or rather the lack of them in God's own Country that is Kerala. My own poor little Kochi is struggling to cope with multiple problems. The influx of Bangladeshis masquerading as people from West Bengal is the worst threat to this coastal town. We never know who is an Indian today. The migrant labor might be cheap today, but it might cost us dear in future. I shouldn't considered xenophobic or a Bal Thakre clone; that I am not. I have reasons to believe in what I have stated here. I just hope I am proved wrong.

The other problems is the burgeoning middle class on a rat race that can be called 'Car Wars'. Anyone owning a small car or just one car is a small fry here. Most middle class families own two or even three cars today. Everyone is on a car these days, I repeat everyone. So where do we park all these cars ? I believe we might have to push the backwaters backwards to form a reclaimed parking lot for the Kochi middle class.

Two-wheelers are the new 'Plague'. They are here, there and everywhere. I am scared to stand with my legs apart for a short period anywhere in Kochi. There are fat chances that some smart Alec might park his bike between my legs and leave before I realize. All those who are not on cars are on two-wheelers. The worst thing about these bikes is they cover 200km with one tea-spoon-full of petrol. They come in easy installments and every youth must have them.

These bikes take away young lives thanks to accidents. But they also kill insidiously. Most of our youth hardly walks except to go to the toilet. They step out of house, hop onto the bike and go to office or any place they want to. They park their mean-machines at the nearest possible spot and finish work and are back on bike and then back home. They practically live on bikes. Thus a big section of the youth hardly has any exercise and develop obesity, Hypertension, Diabetes and Heart Diseases at very young age. We might soon become the nation with largest number of bikes and even larger number of young heart patients.

All these and many other problems we face are not unique to Kochi. They are common for every developing place. Bad roads, infrastructural malformations, drinking water, electricity and so on. But what is unique to Kochi is there never was an honest attempt on part of the rulers to even make a cursory attempt to solve the eternal problems with the roads.

The rulers change. But the rules, the policies, the contractors, the workers and the roads never change. I don't remember a single road constructed by the Kochi Corporation lasting one monsoon. No soon the monsoon announces the arrival, the roads begin to break. By August, we have a few roads in a town filled with potholes. A sham of filling these potholes with gravel is conducted every three months till April. Then the potholes are filled with a lot of crushed stones, gravel and exactly 2mm layer of tar in the month of May. The Monsoon is a lot more sincere and arrives mostly in time by end May !

Today, Saturday 27 August 2011 we are in a piquant situation. The roads are completely ragged. The much talked about Thammanam - Pullepady road widening and total revamp of Kochi roads was never taken up. But the Metro Rail is being taken up in a big way. Demolition of the North Railway Over-bridge is taken with utmost zeal by the local government.

So what do we have ? For a 'Castle in the Air' that is Metro Rail, we have a town being devastated. The already congested traffic is going to be redirected through the doomed Thammanam - Pullepady road and many other such under-privileged roads. These roads are already in bad shape and bursting at the seams. The added traffic is going to totally demolish Kochi.

The Traffic Police don't help at all. In fact they make things worse. There are no right turns or 'U' turns in most places in the city. No 'U' turns for long stretches on the highway. At the most strategically placed Kathrikkadavu junction, you can't even go straight. We are sent into a quagmire through the under-bridge and then almost half a kilometer distant 'U' turn that is unmanned and becomes a flash point for outraged drivers to vent their fury on one another. What do these 'patently stupid' measures do ? More and more vehicles are on the roads for longer periods to cover same distance and that means the traffic turns further congested.

So what are we witnessing ? This might sound a tad crude simile, but this is unfortunately true. This is quite like sodomizing an anus already ravaged by piles, fistula and fissures. Our rulers are perpetrating sodomy on my beloved Kochi.

Henceforth the catch phrase for Kerala tourism can go thus, "Welcome to Kochi, the New Sodom"

Dr. Punned-it

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Hiroshima, US and Us !

Yesterday was real hectic and I missed a lot of action and news. I just got to take a look at this piece. Managed to go into it in detail today and here are my thoughts. How the Japanese have managed to rebuild from such devastation is a marvel to keep marveling all life.

The Atomic Bomb Dome in Hiroshima

What will happen if Pakistan were to Nuke "Mumbai" and "Bengaluru" tomorrow ? Well, it is not quite there on the cards yet. But you can never be sure with Pakistan. So what will be the overall reaction ?

The Headlines

Pakistan BOMBards Mumbai and BANGalore
Millions Dead and a Nation Stunned !

And the Reactions

USA: This is a devastating. A total breach of international treaties. All our sympathies and help are with the people of India. We know India is a great democracy and they will rebuild. But a word of caution, "India must exercise extreme restraint and distance itself from retaliatory measures to avoid escalating the situation"

Next day: USA sanctions another 3.5 million dollars military grant to Pakistan

China: We condemn strongly, the act by Pakistan. This was completely avoidable and unfortunate. China will stand by Indian efforts towards rehabilitation. We have already rushed aide to India. But India should show the sagacity to desist from revenge. The world peace is at stake and hence India should solve all outstanding issues with Pakistan across the table and not on the war field.

Next day: Pakistan to receive 100 super submarines and more advanced radar technology.

United Nations: A dastardly and cowardly act by Pakistan. UN strongly condemns this and warns Pakistan of grave consequences. At the same time, we mourn deeply for all the innocent lives lost in India. India have time and again shown great Statesmanship in the face of serious adversity. The world community expects same from India once again. War is not the solution for bilateral problems.

Next day: UN Secretary General goes on a 3 week holiday to unknown destination.

Pakistan: We had strong intelligence reports of India's plans to attack Pakistan and we had no choice but to strike before they could harm Pakistan. We can't wait for India to undermine  the people and the sovereignty of Pakistan. We are capable of further strikes and will not hesitate if the need arises. But we believe India will learn from this and behave in future. The world community has a responsibility to restrain India from any misadventure. If they fail to do so, World War might erupt leading to large scale destruction.


The Government Spokesperson: This is a horrendous, dastardly, cowardly and unfortunate act by Pakistan. We are still assessing the extent of damage. All lines have been crossed and war looms large. We will show what we are capable of.

BJP: UPA Government's soft policy is responsible for the attack. We need a Government that is capable of hitting back. We have to cut all ties with Pakistan and an all out war is the only solution.

Bal Thakre: Sonia Gandhi is responsible for this. It is because she is Italian, Pakistan was emboldened to attack India. We will teach them a lesson. We will find out each and every Pakistani and Bangladeshi from Mumbai and throw them out.

RSS: This vindicates our stand that talking to Pakistan is futile. Incompetent and unpatriotic Congress has always pandered to minority appeasement. Forming a strong and dedicated Hindu Rashtra is the only solution for all our problems. We also demand immediate execution of Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab.

Mayavati: It is an unfortunate day. We could have prevented such an attack if a strong leader like me were to be the Prime Minister of India. We will build a grand memorial for all the Dalits and minority people killed in the Nuclear attacks.

Digvijay Singh: It is deplorable that there were large scale Bomb attacks in Mumbai and South India. We are still gathering information. But we can't rule out the role of 'Right wing Hindu Extremist Outfits like RSS and assoiates". We will soon catch the culprits and exemplary punishment will be meted out.

Rahul Gandhi: Real threat for India is not in these bombs. The right wing Hindu terror is the real danger for the country. We have to curb them and there will be no terror attacks.

Sonia Gandhi: This happened while I was away in USA with my mysterious illness and surgery. This is an act of cowardice and an act of terror. A fitting reply will be given by India. India's spirit can't be broken. India will raise from the ashes and will show the world what we are. The India of the dreams of Indiraji and Rajivji will shine again.

Mulayam Singh Yadav: Pakistan has attacked India because they are deprived. India is bigger and richer. We have to forgive them like a big brother and give them 5000 Crores to rebuild Pakistan.

Manmohan Singh: I have no words to describe and hence I will not talk !

After the dust settles

Mumbai and Bangalore rehabilitation to begin in right earnest. India will not compromise on the lives of people.


Large scale scam in Mumbai and Bangalore rehabilitation process. An estimated Rs. 1,38,43,365 Crore swindled. The Government not keen to share the details.

Kapil Sibal: All this is bogus. The media has no job but to create a scam where none exists. There is no scam at all. We can prove the loss to the ex-checker to be 'Zero' !

Headlines: India - Pakistan to hold fresh round of talks on all outstanding issues including Kashmir. The sensitive issue of Mumbai - Bangalore Bombing to be kept out of the talks.

Right Wing Hindu Outfits: This is a sign of weakness. We are talking to an enemy who has bombed our motherland. Stop talks and immediately hang Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab.

Jai Ho !

Dr. Punned-it